On Purpose

   In no way am I an expert on the father/daughter relationship. Relationships never arrive at perfection, they are a continuing process of effort, time, patience, love and the list continues. There are times I get irritated at my father and my father gets irritated at me but when there is a healthy relationship established it is easier to keep going on in life without being offended by the other person. It's about understanding who they are and what is going on in their world. It's so easy, especially being a women, to get caught up in our emotions and the way we feel instead of stepping down, separating ourselves from emotion and evaluating the situation. Some things you just have to let go and trust God. Other things might need to be discussed with healthy confrontation. For more about healthy confrontation click here http://www.thestonefoundation.com/wednesday-wisdom/the-art-of-healthy-confrontation-8-steps/ 
 What does the bible have to say about relationships?

Philippians 2:3-4
"Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself. ⁴ Let each of you look out not only for his own interests, but also for the interests of others."

Philippians chapter 2 has a lot of great things to say about relationships. It discusses how to be like Christ. Restoring a relationship doesn't happen by chance or luck but through the grace of God. It is through meditating, understanding, and applying scripture into your daily life. Believe me, it is not always easy but the more you let go of yourself and pursue God the easier it becomes. When we make known are weaknesses to the Lord and let go, His grace becomes all we need. It isn't through our own strength. 

Challenge for you: On purpose esteem, which means to regard highly with respect and admiration, your father. Look for something that interests him that both of you could spend time together. On purpose, make that phone call and talk about whatever he wants too. Go fishing with him even if it grosses you out! Take him out to lunch, play a game of checkers. Whatever it might be do something to place high value upon him with respect and admiration for being your dad. Love him through the grace of God no matter what has happened in life. Now is the time for restoration, not tomorrow. Start small. You don't have to do something big in your eyes, just take a step and watch what God will do! 

"I am right, you are wrong..."

I am sure many of you have felt like you were right and others were wrong or maybe you had someone close to you tell you that you were wrong and they were right. It seems like a never ending battle that lends itself to casualties of war...

Relationships, in my opinion, have never ending conflict - good or bad. Conflict is generally viewed as bad to some people, but it doesn't have to be. There are a couple of key things to remember during conflict. (drum roll please)    The term.....Naive Realism.

Naive Realism is a social psych term that means each person believes they see the world how it truly is. Everyone has a perception of the world and in their opinion they have the correct version.

What does this mean? How can it help?

In regards to relationship with your dad or anyone else, remember when they tell their opinion on a matter (unless they state they are open) they truly believe what they think is the correct answer to life. **It's okay to disagree** however, the point where conflict turns from good to bad is when the feeling (perception) of attack happens. I think it is natural to become defensive when you hear someone implement you are wrong and they are right. But keep your cool, because now you know they see the world how it is ;) and you see the world how it really is. This is the point of difference. It is good to hear other people's opinions about their perception of the world... it might change yours or help you understand where they are coming from.

Try not to jump the gun and defend yourself but listen with an open ear. Some people might be stubborn and don't want to hear your opinion because it is different than yours. Keep calm and make a decision to speak or not to speak. Sometimes actions can be better than words. Live out your belief to change someone's perception more than just telling them your opinion (as long as it lines up with the word of God!)

I believe [and I am right ;)] that knowing about naive realism can help people communicate and listen to each other better. Give it a try.... it's helped me.

Encouragement of the day: James 1:19 "...let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger;" (english standard version) Really listen to what others are saying. They will see your authenticity and it will draw them to God. It will help flourish communication and relationships. Trust is developed when you can openly express your opinions to someone without defense. Be that for someone. This can especially be used if there was an argument in your family...everyone has a different perception of what happened.